Co Parenting Articles

Put your children first—work together for your children's health, happiness, and safety.

San Diego Divorce: Co-Parenting: Creating Two Homes for Your Children
Anne B. Howard, Esq., 2004

California's public policy is that both parents remain involved in their children's lives after divorce whenever possible. Assuming each parent is committed to remaining an active figure in their children's lives, they may be able to create a new, workable parenting relationship after the divorce. This means separating the role of parenting from the past role of lover and spouse and creating a new "business-type" relationship.

Before the divorce, parents may have expected the other parent to pick up the children when they are sick or running late. Such expectations are unreasonable after a divorce. Now parents must be courteous and respect each other's right to privacy. Good communication is essential and flexibility is important.

The key to successful co-parenting is putting the children's needs ahead of your own. You and your former spouse may have chosen to part ways, but your children may not have wanted to leave either of you. Children often lose when their parents separate. They no longer have full-time guidance and direction from two parents.

Children suffer most when exposed to conflicts between their parents. Children love and need both parents, but they need their parents to act like adults by keeping them away from complicated court matters.

Parents can help by following certain rules:
• Let your children love and respect both parents. Do not
  put the other parent down.
• Do not use visitations as an excuse to continue
  arguments with the other parent.
• Do not visit your children when you are drunk or on drugs.
• Visit the children at reasonable hours.
• Have the children ready for visitation.
• Do not be late for visitation.
• Do not habitually miss visits. Your children need to be
  able to count on you.
• Do not make promises to your children that you
  cannot keep.
• Let the other parent know as soon as possible if you
  cannot keep your visit and work together to find another
  reasonable and convenient time.
• Visitation is for you and your children. Do not use it to
  "check up on" the other parent.
• Two homes means two sets of "house rules" that children
  will adjust to. You do not have a right to expect the other
  parent to have the same "house rules" as you do.

 Contact us at (760) 931-5437 in Carlsbad, California, for family law services.